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I was writing to this guy *Dale* (not his real name) through an internet dating site.

I say goodbye which takes a good ten minutes as I try and persuade her from ‘tending’ to my headache. Saturday Night: I’ve had eight messages from Helen so far. I immediately get another message from her apologising for her actions and that she hopes I have a good time with my mates. One of them makes stabbing motions and laughs at me. I turn my phone back on and I see I have missed seven phone calls from Helen.

I don’t know what to say to this so I nod and smile and say something about it being a little early on for that sort of talk. She’s a little annoyed at this because we haven’t played Pictionary yet and she was certain I would be a good match for her Uncle Gary (never been beaten apparently) but she takes me home. I reply “I’m helping a friend move and then he’s taking me to a movie.” I get silence for a good hour or so and then a message telling me to “get fucked” and to “jump off a fucking bridge”. It had zombies in it and zombies are pretty much fucking ace.

I wonder what she wanted but then realise the fourteen new messages from her on my phone will probably give me an insight.

Sunday Night: I tell my mates what has happened over a beer or two. Does she not know about the policy of turning phones off in movies?

We corresponded endlessly through IM, letters and then on to phone calls after two months of keeping it on the computer.

I thought I was being really safe and that we had built up an element of trust between each other.

They are ‘iridescent’, ‘longing’, ‘relationship’ and ‘possessive’.

Okay, that’s a little weird but she did say she was getting ‘stuck into the vino’. I jot down a few terms that jumped out at me from one of her emails so I can have a think about them later. We’ve decided to meet each other in real life tomorrow night.

He walked me to my car and we agreed to meet again.

We had several dates, and I had to go back to my home town to visit my Mom who was having a birthday party for my Dad, and I would be away for four days, and we agreed we would get together again as soon as I arrived home.

I note that Helen has quite a lot of teddy bears in her unit. Helen says it isn’t a problem but I don’t want to give too much to this girl.

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