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My assignment was to "maintain," except for my lower abs, where I needed to "reduce inches." I was lucky compared with the teammate who was told to tighten the torso, lose the chicken fat on her arms, reduce 2 inches on both thighs, and lose the muffin top.

Weighing In Three days before the first game, without ever having gotten my body fat or height measured, I was told that "physical fitness standards" required me to weigh no more than 122 pounds.

But when the scale still showed 127 pounds on game day, I was pulled from the performance, even though my family had driven eight hours from my hometown to see me cheer.

Adding insult to injury, the next day at practice, the choreographer—with whom I had a contentious relationship, probably because I wasn't a "real" dancer—offered me the cookie from her lunch, knowing very well I couldn't eat it.

After two weeks of performing in a bikini, being interviewed at length, undergoing a public-speaking evaluation, and taking a football- knowledge exam, a battery of drug tests, and a physical, I made the cut.

Looking the Part I quickly found out that the hardest part of professional cheerleading isn't learning the eight counts, high kicks, or whatever cheesy dance move we were being taught. Our contracts actually said, "Your appearance must be impeccable at all times." We were required to have nails manicured with light or clear polish.

We'd share advice on detox diets, diuretics, and colon-cleansing pills.

Best-Behavior Standards Besides looking good, I was expected to act like an angel.

While our code of conduct required us to act like nuns, strangers got away with groping us (I lost count of how many guys did the arm-over-shoulder boob grab to me when posing for pictures).

These weren't just random fans either but corporate backer types who paid big bucks for the privilege of hanging out with us.

I would get up early and sit in the gym's steam room for hours in hopes of sweating out a few extra ounces.

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