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At the heart of the problem of online “infidelity” is the fact that it is usually done in secret and without the partner’s knowledge – even with infrequent access this secrecy can reduce the intimacy between the couple and can be a first step on the road to bigger betrayals.A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner.
You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.
Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.
When I spoke to him again about it, he did apologise and said he won’t do it again but he then came out with a load of stuff about how unhappy he was in the marriage, that we never spend time together (which is true), but I don’t think it is fair for him to blame me.
My husband is a great father and has always been very hands-on with the children who really love him and I don’t want to end up separated.
You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.
To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.
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ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.
AWith people spending more and more time online, accessing pornography and adult websites can be a big problem in modern marriages.
Relationship counselling agencies report that a growing number of couples are now seeking help due to infidelity online or to one partner accessing adult websites.
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